Launching my daughter off to school

I went to my daughter's school's orientation last night.  She is going to an environmental school near our home.  It was thrilling and terrifying all at the same time.
Most parents go through the anxiety of sending their first child off to school much earlier.  My daughter will be in 6th grade.  I feel this melancholy rush of longing. "Wait!" my Mommie soul screams.  "I still want to play in the park, I still want to gather leaves and jump in them, I still want to go to the children's museum and play--I still want to see you all day, every day!"
This is the first birth pangs of the adult that I will turn loose in the world.  I know there are many more tearing, screaming moments ahead.  They will not be all terrible, but a sweet blend of joy and pain.
She is so excited to launch into this big green world that's been in our back yard for all these years.  I am launching too, into a world where I don't hold her so closely with my hand, and squeeze her all that more tightly with my heart. 

Unlearning what I know

Mt 11:25 ¶ At that time Jesus answered and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes.

So much of life is UN-learning what I think I know.  When I think I have things all figured out--I'm in trouble.  A big source of the conflict in my life is dealing with the expectations I have set up based on the plans I've made, based on what I think I know. I think I have a great idea, plan for it and watch it blow up in my face. 

 For instance, I set up a reasonable plan to get up early and have great quiet times.  I get up and I follow my plan until "whoops!" Facebook curiosity gets me off track and I end up losing all that precious quality God time to some cute cat pictures and stories of my neighbors.   So much for my plan.  Or I set up the perfect chore chart and whip the girls into place with it.  For a week.

What I need is to not have a better plan, or to know how to set up my day better.  Knowledge and planning only go so far.  What I need is a deep internal knowing:  REVELATION.  It's not just the last book of the Bible, it refers to a deep knowing instigated by contact with God.  The Greek word is "Apokalupto", and means "to reveal, to take the cover off, to disclose." 

  Revelation is something God does, not something I figure out on my own.  I can seek for revelation, I can treasure it, I can ask for it, but it is not something that I come up with on my own.  I need to ask and receive. Like asking Him to help me draw near to Him in a deeper way in my quiet time.  I ask--then receive as I do what I can to make my heart ready.

Revelation requires humility.  It requires not knowing all the answers. It requires that I don't try to plan or strategize with my own intellect and experience.  I look to God.  I seek His word and presence to sort out things.  If I go back into that quiet time with the idea that God will speak to me rather than I will check devotions off my list, I may gain something and not be distracted.

 In this verse, Jesus was thanking the Father that the humble, foolish, and ignorant disciples had received and understood Him.  They got who He was even as the spiritual leaders and learned men stumbled over his identity. The Pharisees could not repent (change their way of thinking) where as the humble fishermen could. Jesus commended the humility of the fishermen and condemned the pride of the Pharisees who had it all figured out.

I'm wanting to stop figuring it all out, and wait for revelation to change my heart and my mind. 

Being Secure in Who God Made You to Be

I stumbled across these verses in my survey of John this morning and it stopped me cold: 

 Joh 3:27 John answered and said, A man can receive nothing, except it be given him from heaven.
 Joh 3:28 Ye yourselves bear me witness, that I said, I am not the Christ, but that I am sent before him.
 Joh 3:29 He that hath the bride is the bridegroom: but the friend of the bridegroom, which standeth and heareth him, rejoiceth greatly because of the bridegroom's voice: this my joy therefore is fulfilled.

I thought, "What an amazingly secure man!"  Here was the guy who had been the flashpoint of revival, had drawn a crowd of followers and who had the public eye on focused on him and his ministry.  In one day, he handed it all over to Jesus--and was content and joyful about it!

So much of my angst in life has more to do with how I am perceived.  I worry over my ranking at work, how do my neighbors feel about the quack grass in my lawn, or will my children hate me someday if I make them eat green beans today.   I slide into the temptation to define myself and my success based on how others see me.

John, however, saw clearly the purpose God had designed for him.  He defined himself by how God saw him and realized that his place of attention and fame had been a gift that he would need to return.
He was happy because his obedience had made God happy.  It was simple.

Later, he did have some doubts when he was in prison and had a moment where he needed to know if it was all worth it.  I'm glad he did, because I have those moments a lot.  Jesus gently reminded John of the bigger picture than John had played a part in--the plan was carrying on.  It was almost as if Jesus was saying, "Remember, this plan is bigger than you".

I hope that as I age, I get more and more focused on seeing God's pleasure as my primary goal.  I have a lot perception changing to do, but if I keep looking at Jesus, He will get bigger.